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Es dificil encontrar una persona que entienda 100% lo que sientes. Más aún cuando estás envuelta en una situación que, en tu círculo social, es poco frecuente. Soy madrastra, oficialmente desde octubre del 2006, cuando me casé con un hombre 10 años mayor y con una hija de una relación anterior. Ojo que el nuestro es su primer matrimonio. Entre nosotros, el tema de la edad nunca fue un conflicto, al contrario, me encanta. El tema de su hija, a ratos conflictivo, a ratos gratificante. Incluso una de las cosas que me enamoraron de él fue el trato, la dedicación y el cariño hacia su hija. Pensé que ya no tendría la duda de cómo sería como padre. Pololeamos casi 5 años. Con dos quiebres entremedio justamente porque para mí comenzó a convertirse en un tema conflictivo, me ponía celosa, extrañaba los fines de semana de carrete, o simplemente a solas, sin tener que inventar panoramas infantiles, ni paseos a la plaza,etc. Pero bueno, supongo que no hay que desechar a un hombre por esas cosas, mal que mal acabarás en lo mismo cuando tengas tus propios hijos, pensé.
El punto es que uno debe intentar equilibrar lo que siente, mantener a raya los celos y evitar sacar la bruja que todas llevamos dentro, y que en estos casos, creanme, se multiplica por 10.
Pero lograr el control de la situación no es tarea facil. Es un trabajo diario, que con amor y comprensión se alcanza, pero es complicado. Por eso digo que encontrar una persona que entienda 100% lo que estás sintiendo no es simple.
Yo tuve la suerte (¿¿¿¿¿o nosotras tuvimos la mala suerte???? jajaja) de reencontrarme después de algunos años con una amiga de la época universitaria. Coincidentemente, las dos nos enamoramos de hombres "con mochila", las dos nos casamos con apenas 5 meses de diferencia, y nuestras "cargas" tienen la misma edad!!!!! Tenemos un niñito y una niñita, osea, la "parejita". Lo bueno es que los dos no tienen la noción de haber vivido con sus papás, por lo tanto eso de "me
quitaste a mi papito" no es un tema. Y ambos viven con sus madres (ahora, en el caso de mi socia).
Todas estas conversaciones las tuvimos frecuentemente, largas horas de almuerzo tratando de resolver nuestros problemas o sólo escuchándonos, desahogándonos, se convirtieron al final en nuestra "terapia". Y con la creación de este blog, quisimos materializar nuestra terapia, escuchar quizás a otras personas que pasan por lo mismoy DESAHOGARNOS. Mal que mal, sabíamos perfectamente en "el tete" en el que nos estábamos metiendo y ahora con argolla en mano no nos queda más que apechugar, controlar los celos con los hijos... e incluso, hay que reconocerlo, de la relación que alguna vez tuvieron nuestros maridos con sus madres...
La otra socia fundadora... (la de la niñita)

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Dedico este comentario a mi mujer y a mi madrastra: las mejores del mundo junto a mi mamá!!

Anónimo dijo...

Bueno, pido a gritos ayuda. Mi esposo y yo llevamos casi 2 años de casados, la custodia de sus 2 hijos es compartida, o sea, unas semanas están con nosotros y otras con su madre. La bruja se larga con su nuevo marido a Florida, EU a estudiar para ser pastorcita de rebaños humanos. Ahora la custodia pasa a ser completa para nosotros. El problema es que la hija de 12 años no se quiere mudar con nosotros porque ella no se siente cómoda porque casi no comparto con ellos. Con el hijo de 15 años no hay problema. Admito que no comparto mucho con ellos porque trabajo mucho y tampoco me encanta la idea. Pero nunca les he faltado el respeto, nunca le he dado órdenes, ni regaños, ni insultos. Ni tan siquiera acaparo el tiempo de mi marido porque reconozco que es de ellos. Nitan siquiera me pongo muy amorosa con mi marido para no despertar celos. Pero su hija ya le dijo a su padre que no quiere vivir con nosotros. Mi marido me propuso que viviéramos separados y el psicólogo de todos ellos le recomendó lo mismo. Pienso que es una gran injusticia quedar como el gran monstruo de la película, piensa que ella está poniendo a prueba el amor de su padre o que exige en mí lo que su misma madre le ha negado con sus actitudes egoístas y ahora soy yo la más jodida de esta gran mierda.

Anónimo dijo...

Hola a todas ustedes

Estoy en esta situación tan incomoda de ser madrastra, no vivo con los hijos de mi esposo, de hecho ni siquiera los conocía mas que por fotos. Hace año y medio tuve un hijo con él y no sabíamos como decirles a sus dos hijos adolescentes, así que guardamos silencio.

Ellos no sabian nada de mí, decidí hablar con mi esposo y pedirle que los trajera para que conocieran a su hermanito, pero fue todo un desastre, nos rechazaron tajantemente a los dos y eso me hace sentir muy mal, además desde entonces las cosas con mi pareja se han echado a perder y peleamos mas frecuentemente. me gustaria que me recomendaran alguna solucion. Gracias

Anónimo dijo...

Hola a todas ustedes

Estoy en esta situación tan incomoda de ser madrastra, no vivo con los hijos de mi esposo, de hecho ni siquiera los conocía mas que por fotos. Hace año y medio tuve un hijo con él y no sabíamos como decirles a sus dos hijos adolescentes, así que guardamos silencio.

Ellos no sabian nada de mí, decidí hablar con mi esposo y pedirle que los trajera para que conocieran a su hermanito, pero fue todo un desastre, nos rechazaron tajantemente a los dos y eso me hace sentir muy mal, además desde entonces las cosas con mi pareja se han echado a perder y peleamos mas frecuentemente. me gustaria que me recomendaran alguna solucion. Gracias

Anónimo dijo...

Te comprendo, y me veo reflejada... Es la nueva generación de pápiros héroes de sus hijas mujeres.... Parecen novios... La nenita de 15!!? Le cuenta to oído al padre, novios , amores, vestidos, maquillajes.. ( aparte xq le pude dinero al papi para tido eso) yo intentó acercarme.... Pero.... Las vigésimo es de chicas, las tiene con su papi.... Y las veces que discutimos xq ella lo manipula.... Todavía digo casada con eTe hombre... Pero. Creo que no hay remedio.... ( porque estas nenitas de papito) no se ponen nunca de novias!!!!

Anónimo dijo...

Hola es muy dificil esta situacion porque la madres influyen negativamente en las hijas, esas madres piensan que van a lograr manipular al padre metiendoles esas cosas negativas en la cabeza a sus hijas mas en su inconciencia no se dan cuenta que las perjudicada es la niña, le destruyen su vida haciendoles ver una realidad terrible, si para los niños la separacion es dicifil ahora imaginense esas madres metiendoles sisaña, pobres creaturas se sienten solas incomprendidas y que nadie las quiere, eh sido muy paciente con mi hijastra apesar de sus groserias ella tiene 13 años una edad dificil, en momentos se porta muy linda conmigo pero en otros momentos muy grosera y esque su madre la envenana hablandole mal de su padre y de mi, y como el y yo hemos sido buenas personas con ella, solo saca excusas tontas porque no tiene nada que decir, siempre haciendose la victima para llamar la atencion porque su madre la enseño a ser asi. Su madre ya esta casada desde hace 10 años con otro hombre tiene una hija de 5 años y otro de 6 meses. Mi pareja duro 8 años solo para pasar tiempo con su hija, y el ahora que ya decide hacer vida la madre esta celosa, no entiendo porque tanto conflicto si ella decidio terminar con el para poder hacer vida con ese hombre. La verdad esque ellas estan resentidas con sus exesposos y ese resentimiento se lo meten a loa niños. Aveces me canso se me agota la pasciencia hable con mi pareja sobre eso le dije toda le verdad de lo que sentia, le dije que si el no ponia limites y respeto yo daria por terminada la relacion porque pienso a futuro como podria afectar a mis futuros hijos, ya que veo como mi hijastra trata mal a su hermana de 5 años, y no permitiria que a mis hijos los tratara asi. Mi hijastra es grosera con su padre conmigo con su padrastro, con sus hermanitos, aveces hasta con sus amigos, tiene una actitud revelde no obedece a su madre, es triste la verdad ver como va por el mal camino y si sigue asi hechara su vida a perder, eh tenido misericordia con ella porque es una adolecente la eh tratado con amor y respeto es por eso que ella si acepta convivir conmigo y hasta que salgamos juntas ellas y yo sin su padre presente, y la pasamos muy bien pero regresa a casa de su madre y cuando la vuelvo a ver esta molesta, es como si todo lo bonito que sembramos como familia en un momento se hechara todo a perder, tengo 2 años conviviendo con ella la veo los fines de semana sinceramente la quiero mucho porque como amo a mi pareja la quiero a ella tambien y tenemos muchas cosas en comun, pero lamentablemente el peso de la madre puede mas, asi que no me queda mas que enfocarme en mis objetivos mis metas, mis sueños, y si las cosas no cambian este año, dare por terminada esta relacion porque no pienso afectar a mis futuros hijos. Vere si mi pareja es capaz de imponer limites y respeto porque mi peticion es valida no pido que la niña me ame ni que me acepte, solo pido respeto que es una regla basica para la convivencia sana entre las relaciones humanas. Amo a mi pareja pero me amo mas a mi y pensare inteligentemente para no perjudicar a terceros que serian mis futuros hijos. Fin.

Anónimo dijo...

Hola es muy dificil esta situacion porque la madres influyen negativamente en las hijas, esas madres piensan que van a lograr manipular al padre metiendoles esas cosas negativas en la cabeza a sus hijas mas en su inconciencia no se dan cuenta que las perjudicada es la niña, le destruyen su vida haciendoles ver una realidad terrible, si para los niños la separacion es dicifil ahora imaginense esas madres metiendoles sisaña, pobres creaturas se sienten solas incomprendidas y que nadie las quiere, eh sido muy paciente con mi hijastra apesar de sus groserias ella tiene 13 años una edad dificil, en momentos se porta muy linda conmigo pero en otros momentos muy grosera y esque su madre la envenana hablandole mal de su padre y de mi, y como el y yo hemos sido buenas personas con ella, solo saca excusas tontas porque no tiene nada que decir, siempre haciendose la victima para llamar la atencion porque su madre la enseño a ser asi. Su madre ya esta casada desde hace 10 años con otro hombre tiene una hija de 5 años y otro de 6 meses. Mi pareja duro 8 años solo para pasar tiempo con su hija, y el ahora que ya decide hacer vida la madre esta celosa, no entiendo porque tanto conflicto si ella decidio terminar con el para poder hacer vida con ese hombre. La verdad esque ellas estan resentidas con sus exesposos y ese resentimiento se lo meten a loa niños. Aveces me canso se me agota la pasciencia hable con mi pareja sobre eso le dije toda le verdad de lo que sentia, le dije que si el no ponia limites y respeto yo daria por terminada la relacion porque pienso a futuro como podria afectar a mis futuros hijos, ya que veo como mi hijastra trata mal a su hermana de 5 años, y no permitiria que a mis hijos los tratara asi. Mi hijastra es grosera con su padre conmigo con su padrastro, con sus hermanitos, aveces hasta con sus amigos, tiene una actitud revelde no obedece a su madre, es triste la verdad ver como va por el mal camino y si sigue asi hechara su vida a perder, eh tenido misericordia con ella porque es una adolecente la eh tratado con amor y respeto es por eso que ella si acepta convivir conmigo y hasta que salgamos juntas ellas y yo sin su padre presente, y la pasamos muy bien pero regresa a casa de su madre y cuando la vuelvo a ver esta molesta, es como si todo lo bonito que sembramos como familia en un momento se hechara todo a perder, tengo 2 años conviviendo con ella la veo los fines de semana sinceramente la quiero mucho porque como amo a mi pareja la quiero a ella tambien y tenemos muchas cosas en comun, pero lamentablemente el peso de la madre puede mas, asi que no me queda mas que enfocarme en mis objetivos mis metas, mis sueños, y si las cosas no cambian este año, dare por terminada esta relacion porque no pienso afectar a mis futuros hijos. Vere si mi pareja es capaz de imponer limites y respeto porque mi peticion es valida no pido que la niña me ame ni que me acepte, solo pido respeto que es una regla basica para la convivencia sana entre las relaciones humanas. Amo a mi pareja pero me amo mas a mi y pensare inteligentemente para no perjudicar a terceros que serian mis futuros hijos. Fin.

Anónimo dijo...

Este blog sigue funcionando? Que alivio saber que no soy la única que siente esto. Al leer todas sus experiencias me siento muy identificada. También estoy desesperada y ya no se qué hacer con mi situación. Voy a seguir todo sus consejos, veo que algunas tiene más experiencias en el tema y a mi me sirve de mucho. La hija de mi marido vive con nosotros desde: SIEMPRE!. Nos pusimos de novios y a los 4 meses de relación decidimos ir a vivir juntos, a la semana la trajo a la niña a vivir con nosotros. La nena vivia con los abuelos. Imaginense! Fue caótico: lloraba a la noche, muy caprichosa, consentida. Quedé totalmente desplazada a partir de ese momento. Llevamos un año de relación y ella sigue viviendo con nosotros, yo con 25 años me tengo que hacer cargo como si fuera la madre y no entiendo nada!! La madre no se hace cargo. HAce una semana decidió volver a tratarla y ella ahora pasa una semana con cada uno. Para mi fue la salvación, durante esa semana respiro, tengo tiempo para mi, no tengo que hacer de sirvienta y tengo tiempo libre. Pero luego vuelve y todo es como antes. Ya no se que hacer. Hace 3 meses que estoy casada y me quiero divorciar. Sinceramente pensé que todo iba a ir bien por eso me case. Pero la situación no cambia, empeora dia a dia. Tiene 10 años y tiene actitudes de una niña mas grande. Es muy raro, no se cómo manejarlo. Bueno, al fin pude desahogarme sin que me juzgen. Gracias. Saludos.

Anónimo dijo...

la verdad que al leer esto comprendo en realidad que no estoy loca tengo 20 años y estoy con un hombre de 34, el tiene una hija de 7 bastante malcriada y manipuladora, maneja todo con el llanto... empezamos mal ella y yo, porque tenia muchos celos de mi, que le quitara a su padre, etc aunque un dia para el otro, empezamos a llevarnos bien... claro, todo si ella no se aburria... cuando ella se aburre ya sea generalmente porque no tiene con quien jugar, se arma el ecatombe. Insoportable! es caprichosa con la comida, cuando tiene sueño, cuando quiere hacer algo...
bueno lo normal.. todos fuimos niños en alguna epoca... pero la verdad, entiendo a mi madrastra cuando era chica... era una bruja para mi porque llego a decirme cosas feas y herirme... pero la verdad que ahora la entiendo... NI EN PEDO ME VOLVERIA A METER EN UNA RELACION ASI, DE SENTIRTE LA SEGUNDA... QUE EL, NO SE HABLE CON LA MADRE... PORQUE TERMINARON TODO MAL, PORQUE ELLA LO GORRIO HIZO LO QUE QUIZO CON EL... Y AHORA HAY Q PEGAR LOS PLATOS ROTOS DE SU PASADO... NO ME ENTRA EN LA CABEZA COMO VA A TENER UNA HIJA CON UNA PERSONA ASI, REALMENTE ME MOLESTA. SIENDO QUE AHORA PARA EL, SE LE DIFICULTA BANCAR UNA SITUACION ASI, PORQUE SIEMPRE VA A TENER PROBLEMAS CON SUS FUTURAS RELACIONES... PORQUE LA CRIA ES INSOPORTABLE Y SI PUEDE SER MALA Y DECIR COSAS FEAS LO HACE y para mi... esto de estar con el... fue pura impulsividad... hubiera deseado no ponerme de novia con el... y sentirme mejor meterme en una relacion que sea posible... que se pueda crear algo juntos, y no ya ahora q lo impide todo.. me embola tengo un enojo encima... siempre la paso mal.. por mas q lo quiera no soporto la situacion... no es mejor que este con otro sin hijos q me trate bien y todo como es el...nada mas, que sin hijos... un saludo chicas besos

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